India Enters Finals: New Hair Cut not helpful to South Africa

Dhaka: The Great Cricketer Vivian Richards reveled the strategy of South African Coach of cutting the side Hairs of the Confronting Bowlers.

Viv Theory of Lucky Hairs 

 Here we Present the Viv Theory of Lucky Hair:

"The Hairs which were cut from both the sides were made in Effort to enable the Premier Fast bowlers of South Africa to run much faster, hence delivering a greater speed delivery. The bi-side cut hairs make the Bowlers in a Aero Dynamic Shape that enabling them to run fast and Deliver faster bowls."

Failed Move 

    Although after such a Scientific research done by the 'African Board of Development and Research' the result of the match ended up in vain for South Africa.

  Unhappy by this loss..the South African Government have imposed a $50,000 Fine on the 'African Board of Development and Research'.

Kejriwal in Opposition

  Ops..Our dear leader Arvind Kejriwal have legged into the matter and is in effort to make a Probe against the Illogical means of cutting the Hairs of Bowlers..which in end ended up in their Defeat

Narendra Modi on Mobile

   A peculiar show case of inability to adapt to the New Technology is being shown by BJP Prime Ministerial Candidate, Narendra Modi.

   

Recently, Narendra Modi bought a smartphone for around Rs. 20,000 just as a mean to be connected to the world all time, to enjoy the fast Internet experience and to listen to his beloved songs which he earlier used to listen while making and serving chai. 

  The peculiar test which NaMo conducted was as follows:

• He launched the Google Music app.
• Selected his favorite song.
• Parallel to that he took a Stop Watch.
• Started the Song along with the Stop Watch.

When Satire News Nation's (SNN) reporters came through NaMo, we asked the reason for this Scientific Experiment. He explained-

   "Dekha ji. mai dekhna chah raha tha ki kya Gaane ka time sahe h ya nahi. Ess liye maine ye dekhne ke liye Music ke saath Stop Watch bhi start kare thi." 

  "So were you successful, sir?" asked our reporter.

   "No, actually vo Rahul Gandhi ka phone aa gaya tha. Vo actually bata raha tha ki mereko konsi konsi games download karne chaiye.." said Narendra Modi.

  "So which all App did he suggested, sir?" asked our reporter.

  "Some of them were Candy Crush, Temple Run 2, Minesweeper but he laid special mention to Modi Run" laughed Narendra Modi. 

See More:

• BJP to lose 50 Million votes
• Rahul Gandhi to follow NaMo path
• Comment of NaMo on Mosquito Riot in Delhi

Baba Ramdev on Rollar Coaster

   On the eve of nothing, Baba Ramdev set on to visit the Mela in Delhi. But these happy moments at last ended in menace.

   The news which came out of the 'Jai Jai Mela' ground have left Ramdev followers in vain. At 2:30pm today, our sources told us that Baba Ramdev have got into a peril. The idea of going into the Mela made him face a Personal Disaster. According to Doctors he have got 12 Fractures in different parts of the body.

   "Baba Ramdev ji ki tabhiyat abhi bhi nazuk hai. Haam bagvan se prarthana aur Bhartiya Janta Party se funds mangte hai taki hamare Baba ji jald se jald thik ho jayeen" said a senior follower of Baba Ramdev.

   As per the Police investigation, it has been told to media that about how Baba Ramdev got into this situation...

1. Baba ji got onto the Roller Coaster on a high note of excitement.
2. The roller coaster started its Trip #27 of the day at exact 1:30pm.
3. At 1:35pm the Roller Coaster got onto its peak speed. Still Baba Ramdev was Excited and Fearless
4. But in excitement he committed a mistake which could have taken his life.
5. He pulled up the Safety Guard, got up and standed on the his Seat.
6. But immediately under baba ji's Dhotti air filled up.
7. What next, according to Einstein and Newton he felt an upward push.
8. And within 3 seconds he was up in the air.
9. But according to Newton's Law of Gravity he stumbled on the Earth losing his 12 bones and leading to other major injuries.

Hence a combination of Mistake due to excitement and Science led to this disastrous incidence.

  "We accuse Newton for this misshaping to our leader Baba Ramdev. Well it was okay until baba ji got in the air but the problem started when he started falling. If Newton would not have made 'Newton's Law of Gravitation' our baba wouldn't have been fallen from the Roller Coaster." justified a senior follower.

  

Mosquitoes Death caused Havoc in Capital

New Delhi: An Exclusive news have shocked the Nation, leading to a dreadful feeling amongst the Public of India.

   The cause of this havoc generated throughout the nation, especially in the Capital, Delhi is due to a tragic incident in which four mosquitoes were crashed to death when a speeding car ran over them. Soon after the incident large number of mosquitoes gathered at the incident site and blocked the Connaught Place for at least 5 hours. 

   

The most deadly news is that Mosquitoes also set fire some vehicles. They looted valuables of some shops. They also pelted stones at police parties. They shouted slogan against the district administration for their failure in stopping the accident. 
   
    Getting the information about the accident and road jam Arvind Kejriwal rushed to spot and tried to pacify agitating Mosquitoes. Seeing the situation out of control police used mild force to disperse the crowd. But seeing the sensitivity of the situation heavy paramilitary forces have been deployed in the area. Shoot and sight has been ordered.

   Chief minister Arvind Kejrival presided over a emergency meeting and gave necessary direction to officials. Chief minister Arvind Kejriwal also announced compensation of Blankets to each mosquito for safely against the cold in this season of winters. In the mean time, a delegation of mosquitoes met chief minister at his residence and demanded high level enquiry in the killing of mosquitoes in road accident or they would sit on dharna.

   In the mean time BJP came down heavily on Aam Aadmi's government and blamed that the government has been failed in improving the law and order situation in the state. They also said that even the supply of free water have not enabled the government and Delhi citizens to crack down the big flames produced in protest by the Mosquitoes. Mean while Congress party's Youth Neta (Clown Prince), Rahul Gandhi said that if government would have taken immediate step, the life of four mosquitoes may be saved.

   "Yeah kya sunne mei aa raha hai. Bharat ki rajdhani mei char machroo ki hatya. Kya un char machroo ko etnasa bhi jeene ka hak nahi hai? Do you people know how important mosquitoes are for India? I will tell you the reason why. Because mosquitoes  have 6 hands and it promotes economy of India. How? Mami ne kaha tha 'Har haath shakti, har haath tarakk'. So now you people got why is mosquitoes so important?" said Rahul Gandhi. But fortunately the upcoming New Series of 'The Power puff Girls' was going to be started hence Rahul slipped away from the Stage just after delivering some PJs.


Credits- Humor- Satire News

See More

• Rahul Gandhi to Showcase in Comedy Nights with Kapil
• Rahul Gandhi looking for Internship
• Failed Congress Move
• Congress Blame Game

BJP to lose 50 Million Votes

   A Survey conducted by our Satire News Nation's (SNN) sources have made the Bhartiya Janta Party(BJP) shocked.  

   The recent Survey, summed up that BJP will be losing a large share of votes in the upcoming Lok Sabha Elections. According to our Independent Survey we have concluded that approximately 45 Million (4.5 Crore) is the number of people who are NOT going to vote BJP.

'Not Sugar Free'

This cost him more then Rs10

   The cause identified by the survey is because of Narendra Modi said to be a Tea Boy in the past. But the reason is not exactly responsible. The actual reason responsible is that Narendra Modi who was a Tea Seller in the past did not provided Sugar Free tea. This has cause a major outbreak in the country.

  Around 45 Million people of total 50 Million diabetic Patiences have come on Streets to protest against the BJP's PM candidate, Narendra Modi. 

   Arvind Kejriwal, Delhi CM commented on this as "Bhaiyo aur bheno Aam Aadmi ek sota huaa sheer h Sugar Free nahi dee toh chai phenk dega." We(SNN) hope Arvind Kejriwal ji don't again sit on Dharna.

   On the other side Narendra Modi have defended this by saying "Bharat ki janta, mai apko batana chata hun, uss saame Sugar Free wale Chai nahi hote thi"

Jadoo claims Rahul Gandhi

   Director and Producer of India's first Super Hero film initially launched as Koi Mil Gaya which was followed by Krissh and Krissh 3 is getting peculiar calls.

   Rakesh ji have claimed that he have recently got calls, that too from some Extra-Terrestrial being. According to him 'Jadoo' is the one who is behind this matter.

   

Come Back!! :'(

In a press conference he said "I gave got a call. A call from my film Koi Mil Gaya's imaginative character 'Jadoo'. It felt very awkward when I initially attended the phone calls, but lately I got that know that it is him, Jadoo. I have got 12 calls from him in past 12 days."

   After our Satire News Nation's (SNN) reporters investigated the matter along with ISRO and NASA scientists we got to know that 'Jadoo' was claiming our National Clown Prince, Rahul Gandhi as his close family member.

  "After getting into briefing with Mr. Rahesh Roshan we are successful in knowing the secret cause of calls from Alien named 'Jadoo'. This Extra-Terrestrial being is claiming our Clown oops I am sorry our Youth leader Rahul Gandhi ji as his family member. And asking to return him to them" said ISRO chief 

  We we leaked this information to Congress family, all members were shocked.

   Rahul Gandhi exclaimed "Aeila, yeh kya hoo raha hai, lagta hai we need to Empower Women"

See More

• Rahul Gandhi to Showcase in Comedy Nights with Kapil
• Rahul Gandhi looking for Internship
• Failed Congress Move
• Congress Blame Game

Rahul Gandhi to Showcase in Comedy Nights with Kapil

MUMBAI: Once more one of the most watched family comedy show 'Comedy Nights with Kapil' will be observing a change. The loved Chandran Prabhakar who acted as Raju (servant/various characters) is being set to leave the show seeking new future opportunities. 

 

All set to make a Debut
'He better be' 

But the point which is making people interested about this change of character is that someone special is taking Chandran Prabhakar(servant)'s place. It has been reported to Satire News Nation's (SNN) sources that our own country's Clown Prince who is Congress Vice-President, Rahul Gandhi is the person whose going to be the replacement. 

  In a change in the format Comedy Nights with Kapil will be sponsored under the banner of 'UPA Hope for 2014'. 

   Rahul Gandhi as recommended by Sonia Gandhi is set to make a debut in Television Serial after expecting no future of UPA.

In agitation critics of the show have commented by saying "People will not like this change. Even if you get involve a political leader, what will you people get 'Babaji ka Rahul'"

KEJRIWAL UNABLE TO WRITE LEAVE APPLICATION

DELHI: The recent 'Dharna' initiated by the Delhi CM, Arvind Kejrival taught him something.

  On the day of Dharna Kejriwal was on an official leave, hence when Capital's CM sat to write the Leave Application he was blank. Delhi Chief Minister was stunned when he got to realize that he did not knew the format of a Leave Application.

  "I am really felling low today as today I got to realize that I just do not know the format of a Leave Application. I guess it is because after I left my school followed by my resignation from IAS job, I never took a leave because I was not working for any formal organisation and I was always busy playing 'Protest-Protest' with Anna ji and Bedi didi" said Delhi Chief Minister, Arvind Kejrival.

  "Anyways, this is an Aam Aadmi's Government therefore I will learn the 'Leave Application' Format from an Aam Aadmi only" added Arvind Kejrival.

  Meanwhile BJP have appeled L-G to recruit a Tution Teachers for Arvind Kejrival.

Rahul Gandhi looking for Internship

BHOPAL: Rahul Gandhi have left shocked the Congress Party members by making an peculiar announcement during his Speech in Bhopal on Monday.

   He mentioned that Narendra Modi, his opposition leader, has evolved from a Tea boy to BJP's PM's Candidate.

A Symbol of Revolution

"Congress have made the thing in notice that Narendra Modi have significantly grown from being a poor Tea seller to become a Prime Ministerial Candidate. This shows a capability and skills possessed by a Tea Seller" said the Congress Vice-President Rahul Gandhi.

Under the heat Rahul Gandhi have taken a big step in his life. He proclaimed that he would like be a Tea boy before he become a PM's Candidate.

"I Rahul Gandhi hereby say that I will put the best of me to become successful in attaining the Internship in a Tea shop that too in Gujarat. This i promise to all of you, instead of playing stupid Computer games like Pin Ball and Solitaire I will try hard to apply for 'Tea Selling internship Exam 2014-15" said Rahul Gandhi in a very dedicated way (hope it's true because after losing the Lok Sabha election he would definitely have to put his Resume on OLX.)

"We want a Revolution. We want every one to start their life from being a Tea Seller! Yahoo! Jai Hind! Jan Jan Ki Pukaar Hai-Vote Dena Adhikaar Hai! Phir se Congress layenge-BJP ko dhool chatayen ge! blah! blah! blah!.."

Failed Congress Move

New Delhi: And once again Congress disappointing Hundreds Heart..We won’t say Millions because Congress don’t even have a mere Tactics to attract this large amount of people in support of Congress. :/

   A poor move once again played by Congress Leader Sonia Gandhi by not naming the Prime Ministerial  candidate. Sonia Gandhi have called off to name Rahul Gandhi as a Candidate for the PM’s chair. She says it’s a Congress Tradition to do so..what a Bull Shit :/

Here we bring forward an Interview conducted by our Satire News Nation’s Reporter:

SNN’s REPORT: Good Morning Ma’am, we have recently seen that  you have rejected to give any Official statement on Congress’ PM’s Candidate while Congress men earlier declared Rahul as Congress choice for the same?

SONIA GANDHI: Good Morning, It’s sort of a Tradition of Congress party not to Disclose PM’s Candidate in a hurry and that too in advance.

SNN: When do you think will be the Right Time for Rahul Gandhi to become a Prime Ministerial    Candidate?

SONIA: See Rahul is a little inexperienced, and I thinks that right time for Rahul to become a PM is on the day of Children’s Day.

SNN: Why do see Rahul Gandhi as Incapable of becoming India’s PM?

SONIA: Well you see, Rahul keeps on playing Ludo and; Snake and Ladder while I always protest him to play Outdoor games like Stappu etc.

SPECIAL INTERVIEW INTERRUPTED WHEN RAHUL CAME AND DISTURBED SONIA   BY ASKING MONEY TO BUY TOFFEE (Ouh! So sweet ^_^ )